Step 3 - Stop looking for others attention

I'm in such a need for attention that I find myself looking at the views here, to see if someone has seen what I wrote, if someone understands what I'm going through. If someone has gone through the same things and was able "restart". Not becoming a better person but accepting who they are. That's all I ask for. So I can stop competing between all these loose pieces of personality.

I feel ashamed of myself that.

Step 2 - Stop comparing yourself with others

1st:
- It makes me sick everytime I realise I feel better when surrounded by people who I find less atractive than me. It makes me realise how hipocrite I am, complaining about how some people seem so full of themselves, thinking they are better than the others, despising them without even getting to know them... When I end up doing the very same thing.

2nd:
- I usually hang out with people who I find them prettier than me. That ended up making me feel very inferior, worthless and insecure and I eventually had the urge to stop being around some of them.

3rd:
- Sometimes I become friends with someone who I don't think is "above" or "below" me. It makes me think we are on the same level. But we are not. While I'm internally competing to stay on the same level with them, they are being good friends and good people and I'm left behind thinking what I did wrong, still competing in my mind with what I was in the past moment when everything seemed right.

And this are some of the reasons that might be in the bottom of the reason why a lot of people seem not to like me.

Step 1 - Getting out of the vicious cycle

I may have gotten into a sick vicious cycle:

I feel like, in order to get better, be a less sad of a person, less mean to people and lacking of any joy in anything in life, I have to feel that I'm worthy to someone... Worthy to be loved... That I'm not all that a loss of a case.
But I think I've become so rotten inside, so hopeless, that I'm driving away every single person in my life away, one by one.

I want to change. I don't know if wanting is enough.